Cultus
VIRTUE LESSONS: What parents should not do
Luckily, there is no set formula on how to raise children, because each child is different, unique, so parent’s relationships with their children are one of a kind.
Knowing this, when you are trying to bring up your child, you should always have in mind – that there are things which are counterproductive when talking with a child (trying to correct him/her in her/his action) and it is a question of what parents should not do under any condition.
I will try to explain these points in the following paragraphs:
If you want to bring up the child with a good understanding of moral values and a good discipline, you must first develop the child’s consciousness a routine to do it’s best in the tasks to generate the positive image of his/herself. You must avoid anything that can destroy this positive image. Out of ignorance, anger, annoyance, irritation and sometimes desperation, parents use lawful methods in raising their children. The commandment “Thou shall not sin”, should be remembered, to avoid using any of the following methods:
NO NEGATIVE COMMENTS TO HUMILIATE THE CHILD
With every negative comment to the child, you erode his/her confidence.
NO THREATS
With every threat to the child, you teach him/her to become afraid of you, or even hate us. Threats are absolutely useless, as they do not improve the behaviour of the child.
NO EXTORT PROMISES
A promise means nothing to a small child. The promise, the same way as the threat, is more relevant in the future development as they understand more.
The children live only in the present! If they are sensitive and conscientious, the exhortation of promises will develop own fault syndrome each time he/she breaks the promise. If he/she is not sensitive, it will teach him/her cynicism: when the words and reality differ from each other.
NO EXCESSIVE SPONSORING
It belittles the child in his own eyes, while excessive trusteeship gives her/him the idea, that he/she can not do anything. Parents can underestimate the ability of the child to do something independently, therefore it is necessary to accept the motto: “Never do for the child what he can do for him/herself “.
NO LONG TALKS
Long explanations, without any particular reason, mean to the child: “You are not capable of understanding simple things, you better listen what I am telling you now”.
NO DEMANDS ON IMMEDIATE OBEDIENCE
If your husband tells you: “Dear, leave everything that you are doing and prepare me a cup of tea!” Would you like this? This is how your child reacts when you are demanding to do something immediately. Try to give advice, before demanding anything.
NO PAMPERING
If it is a question of permissiveness, the child will feel that the parents are afraid to be firm in observance of borders, that they are afraid to say “no”. This boosts the confidence in the child, that all rules are not firm, and that they will stretch just under a little of pressure. Even though this can work within the home, it will be a bitter disappointment outside! If you indulge the child, you deprive him/her the opportunity to grow into a person who can adapt to any situation.
BE CONSISTENT IN THE RULES YOU MAKE
Consistency is necessary for the child, as he/she should know what he/she should expect. Confusion in following the rules – allowing one thing one day and forbidding the same on another day – does not promote good discipline. It confuses the child and he/she will not know what to expect from the parents next time.
NO UNNECESSARY MORALS
If you are ‘preaching’ too much, this instils a feeling of fault in the child. Then it leads to developing a negative self-image, which as mentioned, will lead to low self-esteem. All of the morals in the children’s world sum up to: What you have done is bad! or You are bad because you did this! How could have you done such a bad thing after doing so many good ones? Reprimand and critics on a regular basis decrease the child’s self-worth.
Scientifically it is proven, that under such “strain” the child becomes ‘disconnected’, becomes paying less or no attention. It is his/her unique way of
defence, which he/she quickly masters. As the child cannot be disconnected completely and eventually feels guilty, it is advisable that you measure the moral stories and try to be more proactive.
NO REQUEST TO DO THINGS THAT ARE INAPPROPRIATE FOR THE AGE OF THE CHILD
Do not expect a three-year-old child to obey like a six-year-old. You demand from her/him mature behaviour, that she/he is not capable of understanding. This affects the development of his consciousness in an undesirable manner.
I hope you will find the advice on your children upbringing useful and that will try to implement some of them not only in the general building of their characters but also in helping them in their educational growth.
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